My Doctor Told Me to Duct Tape My Mouth. Here's What I Did Next.

I had a doctor tell me to duct tape my mouth. I was shocked and horrified. Have you ever felt stuck with a provider you didn’t feel comfortable with?

I’m going to go through three mistakes I made, as well as how to do it differently than I did.

Mistake #1 - Believing I Had to Stay With the Doctor I Was Assigned to

For years, I believed I had to stay with the doctor I was assigned to. Isn’t that just how it works? If you’ve ever felt uncomfortable with a provider, it doesn’t have to be that way.

When respect is missing from the patient-provider relationship, it affects everything: communication, trust, and outcomes.

In 2017, I saw a doctor I was assigned to in 2006. I had a medical condition that had gotten worse, and he recommended increasing the dosage of a preventive medication. I expressed concern about weight gain because I had gained some weight the last time he increased the dose. His response was, “So, duct tape your mouth,” followed quickly by “or go to Costco and buy a bag of broccoli and carry it around with you everywhere you go.”

I was stunned. And I froze. Are you shocked? I know I was, and so was my husband, Jarrod.

Let me give you an example of this idea that you have to stay with the doctor you were assigned to.

Think about it this way… you need to buy a car, and you know the kind of car you want. So, you go to the dealership, but the car salesperson keeps pushing a different car on you. You know what you want, but you give in and get the one that was pushed on you. Do you agree it doesn’t make sense to let a salesperson convince you to buy a car you don’t want? The salesperson works for you. It took time to realize it, but doctors work for you, too.

You have more control than you think. You are allowed to change providers. Comfort and confidence matter.

Changing providers does not make you difficult. It makes you informed. Eventually, I fired that doctor. You can, too. Respect is not optional.

Let me give you another example. My husband, Jarrod, who had colorectal cancer, had another health condition on top of that and needed a physician who was confident in their decisions. He didn’t need someone to defer every question back to him. He needed a provider who showed up as the expert in the room. And when that didn’t happen, he chose a different doctor. It was the right decision.

Choosing the right provider means finding someone with both the medical knowledge you need and the communication style that allows you to be heard. Both matter.

You can fire a doctor for disrespect. And you can fire a doctor for lack of leadership.

The late Dolly Parton said it best: “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving a new one.” In healthcare, it means that the doctor works for you. When someone works for you, you can fire them.

Mistake #2 - Paying the Medical Bill the Moment It Arrived in the Mailbox

Have you ever paid a bill the moment you took it out of the mailbox? I bet you are wondering, “How is this a mistake?”

In an ideal world, everything would be processed correctly. You have your visit or procedure, they bill insurance, insurance pays, then you get a bill for what you owe. You pay. Period. The end.

We do not live in an ideal world. What if there’s an error?

Billing errors, unfortunately, are not rare. Every visit has a billing code. Insurance pays based on that code. If the code is wrong, the payment is wrong.

It’s like when you go to Starbucks. You tell the first barista what you want, and they write it down on the cup, so that the second barista knows exactly what to make. But what happens if the first barista writes your order down wrong? The second barista will obviously make the wrong thing, and you get stuck with the wrong drink.

Like I said before, in healthcare, if the code is wrong, the payment is wrong. And if you pay immediately without verifying what you actually owe, you may overpay. Neither the insurance company nor the provider automatically verifies that the code matches what happened in the room. The only person with the correct information and the incentive to catch a mistake is you.

A few months ago, I received a bill for over $500. It was from two years ago. I didn’t owe it then, and I don’t owe it now. If I had paid it without verifying, I would have lost $500. The system was not going to catch it. I had to.

They say, “Haste makes waste.”

Before you pay any medical bill, check it and make sure it’s correct. Review your explanation of benefits (EOB). Not sure how to read one? Read my blog post What Is an EOB and How Do I Read It? Finally Explained. Ask for an itemized bill, a bill that details each and every service, medication, and test you received. You’ll also want to read One Phone Call Before You Pay a Dime on Your Medical Bill to learn what an itemized bill is, why it’s so important, and the 10 questions you need to ask before paying any medical bill. Verification is not confrontation. It’s being responsible.

Mistake #3 - Believing I Had Only Two Options: Stay Quiet or Raise My Voice

For a long time, I believed I had only two options to get my medical needs met: stay quiet and hope and pray or raise my voice and push until something happened. Have you ever thought the same thing? Let me tell you that neither is strategic.

Think of it this way: it’s like if you really need to go to the bathroom. You finally get home and are standing at your front door. Do you think that your only options are to wait outside and hope and pray the door opens or to kick the door in? In the first situation, you may wet your pants. In the second one, you get to use the bathroom, but you now have a busted front door.

There’s a third option. Use a key. You get your needs met, and you preserve the relationship.

In healthcare, your key is strategic communication.

Be nice to everyone, in general, but be especially nice to the medical staff. The medical staff is the gateway to your provider. How you communicate matters. Your tone matters. Relationships with the medical staff influence responsiveness.

Here’s a perfect example. There was a doctor whose office manager always seemed to be in a bad mood. She was short with me every time we spoke. So, one day, instead of saying, “Hi,” and then asking my question, I asked how she was doing that day with complete sincerity. I truly wanted to know, and she could tell. From that day on, my tone was intentionally kind and clear, and things moved faster. My questions for the doctor were answered more quickly. Documents to insurance were sent sooner. It wasn’t because I manipulated anyone. It was because I communicated strategically. Respect increases influence.

It’s like they say, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.”

Now, I’ve kicked in lots of doors, and I’m definitely not proud of it. But I learned something powerful: you can be firm without being aggressive. You can be persistent without being disrespectful. You can be strategic without being silent.

And that changes outcomes.

You want strategy over emotion. An emotional response is often quick and thoughtless. It results in reduced influence and damaged relationships. However, a strategic response is often calm and intentional. It results in increased influence and stronger relationships.

Everything I’ve shared so far, the handling of a difficult provider, the billing mistakes, the communication shifts, is not random. Over 17 years, I have taken everything I’ve learned and put it into a 4-part framework. This is the Decoding Healthcare method: 1) understanding your insurance coverage, 2) verifying every financial step, 3) controlling communication, and 4) navigating strategically.

If you learned something from this post and want to learn more, there are two paths. In October, I’m releasing the full education program, Decoding Healthcare. Upon completion of the Decoding Healthcare Program, you will have gone from unsure to informed, overwhelmed to organized, unheard to in control, and frustrated to strategic.

Join the waitlist now on my website, www.healthcareuncomplicated.com/waitlist, and you’ll get my Free Guide: 10 Questions To Ask Before You Pay A Medical Bill. If you sign up now, you will also unlock the special early-bird price for the program.

If you need help immediately, I have 3 spots left for clients to work one-on-one with me. All you have to do is sign up for a free 15-minute consult. During the call, I will assess where you are in your healthcare journey. I will ask you some questions and answer yours. I will evaluate whether you are a good fit for the one-on-one sessions. Either way, you will leave the call knowing your next steps. Sign up for your free 15-minute consult.

Coming in 2 weeks: You Picked a Doctor. But Are They In Your Network?